When you Wish

The Lost Guardian of Faith

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What happened a few days ago, I….don’t know what I could or want to share but I feel like I pretty much let my emotions take too much control of my actions. It was probably *maybe definitely* overboard of saying that I will delete my accounts, though I don’t know if I can take it back. I still have problems that I don’t know if they will ever go away (maybe the problem is me)….but if I do change one thing of what I said…is that I will keep ONE of my accounts. As for which one…I’m still unsure of my answer. It would be unfair (or just pathetic on my part) to have you, the followers, make a decision for me….in the end, I guess it’s whichever blog is the most important/wanted *?*

Filed under ooc hewhoactswithconviction sorcerersapprentice I still feel like I'm making terrible decisions no matter what I try

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-Why hide it? If you need help, get help. But first you need to help yourself by making a commitment to feeling better. You can start by turning off anon. Then you can work on accepting compliments. Go see a professional psychologist. Things will only get better if you let them. If you force yourself to bottle things up because you think you have to, things will never get better.

There is no fucking hate anons, and no one has bothered me here…..and there is nothing that could make things better, neither do I fucking deserve to! I’m a lost cause and the sooner everyone were to accept that and give up on me the better!….I’m….

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-People will miss you no matter what you do or say. People will mourn. It might be the trigger for someone to follow the same path. There might be someone who couldn't live without you. You don't know who or how your actions will affect them.

There is no one like that for me, anyone could live without me….I know I can’t consider…ending it, but I don’t know what else to do but leave. By staying here, all I would do is hold it all in…pretend nothing is wrong and lie to everyone for them to just think everything’s okay until I can’t hide it anymore.

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-Because you think people would be better off? How would anyone be better off with a dead, lifeless corpse? You don't get to decide what's better for people; just because you decide that they won't care doesn't stop them from caring. People will miss you whether you want them to or not. People will feel guilty. People will blame themselves. /That is human nature and you cannot change that./

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-You shouldn't disregard other people's thoughts and feelings, you know. It's rather selfish of you. If you want to repay favours, you should first take into account how your actions affect other people -- and they do. You can't do anything for anyone? You let me vent to you while I was having an anxiety attack. Even if you didn't say much, just having that outlet helped a hell of a lot. I won't forget that. I don't forget things like that.

And by pointing out how I disregard such things is why it would be best if I left here…I almost made that decision to be tonight instead of June, but I guess I couldn’t bring myself to it.

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-Don't. Please don't. Do not tell me that the feeling will pass. The feeling never passes. I know that for a fact. I may not think about it every day, but I there will be days where I will desperately want to have one last talk. There will be days where I'll wonder if I could have done anything differently.

I doubt anything could change things in a small amount of time…and others may think the same thing, but they really shouldn’t….they’ve done things for me that I could never do…I’m even worthless to where I could never return the favor. A form of punishment I guess, it would make sense…I deserve no happiness and no one will remember me or Vult…

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the-demon-plaything asked: [[-You can say that there are better people all you want, but those people aren't /you/. You will be missed. If not by other people, then by me. There is /always/ someone that will miss you. There is /always/ someone that will notice.

It’s only human nature…that feeling will pass, and nothing will change for the worse.

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Anonymous asked: But. Just. Just something to say. You said you're gonna be forgotten. What about all these people who waited for you? The ones talking to you now?

They notice it now, but when I’m gone it will be like it never happened…there are plenty of other, better people here that could easily fill the small gap I will create. I’m worthless to everyone, just taking up space….in the end, no one will miss me

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hargreavesmomoko asked: 「NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!! *clings on you* You can't Q_Q What the hell happened that you even think about this?」

….I’m a lost cause, worthless
. Everyone here is better off without me when I’m gone…I’ll easily be forgotten and nothing will change.

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fonondrivecreations asked: [I can't say I'll be able to change your mind, but why?]

It doesn’t matter…

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By the end of June, this account and my other blogs, sorcerersapprentice and hewhoactswithconviction, will most likely be deleted…it’s not anything that should be of concern, but I won’t guarantee that I will change my mind. You can go ahead and unfollow me or whatever, it doesn’t matter to me anymore…I should have done better and my friends deserve better than me.

Filed under ooc outoffaith it's not suicide but I would have been better off dead and hate anons I could care less i've already been told the harshest things .....I doubt any could do worse sorcerersapprentice hewhoactswithconviction

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soul-withsorrowladen asked: (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ

(づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ are you a hugger?

Yes, very much so.

"I would say I am, especially when I see familiar faces."

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